Finding Purpose in My Life

For most of my adult life, I have done what I am SUPPOSED to do – work for good grades, hold down the perfect job, be a diligent daughter and supportive spouse; all areas where I have fallen short.  It wasn’t until recently that I realized that it is perfectly okay for me to do what I think is right for me.  I was working a job that I gave myself to, ignoring my children and other duties at home, only to realize that I was never going to go anywhere in the company.  I was stuck, stagnant, trapped…so, I left.  I walked away from a pathetic paycheck, and decided to go back to school.  Perhaps my plan was not as well thought out as I had originally thought, but I have found things inside me that I would not have found otherwise.

I have found that I am a strong, competent, funny, compassionate and loyal woman.  Even though I am still unemployed, I make it through each month, grateful that I still have a roof over our heads, food in the bellies of my children (furry and human) and I wake up, 9 times out of 10, with a smile on my face and the desire to improve my life.  Because I endure each day with a positive outlook and hope for tomorrow, I have actually found a purpose for myself.  I’ll admit, I have been down and stuck at my own pity party, only to realize that the party was lacking a piñata, streamers and cake.  Then I started working daily at the Allies Linked for the Prevention of HIV and AIDS (a.l.p.h.a.), and my life has once again found peace and purpose.  I’m working at 100%, as I do with all areas of my life, and I am paid in warm fuzzies (although, I would also accept cold hard cash), which are more than welcomed in my life and I cherish each and every one of them.  I work with AMAZING people who accept me for who I am and what I stand for; they appreciate my passion and outlook and my voice is often heard.  I can answer the phone and hear a desperate voice on the other end and can bring them hope and compassion, when at that moment they may feel that they have nothing and no one to turn to.  My heart is warmed EVERY day when I walk through the doors and I feel that I take away far more than I leave behind. 

I finally understand my purpose in this crazy world, and it doesn’t involve great amounts of money, shiny possessions or big fancy cars.  My purpose, my life is to share my heart with those in need.  To be a loyal friend, who doesn’t judge or persecute.  My purpose is to teach my children that diversity is beautiful and it doesn’t matter if you are black/white, male/female or gay/straight.  Each person has a beauty all of their own and I have opened my heart and mind to the many differences in this world and embrace the beauty that I see every day.

My legacy, my goal is to leave this world with more understanding and love than when I first entered it.  As much as I would like to think that I am flawless, I have recently been informed that I too make mistakes (it was a hard blow, but I survived).  So what does this mean?  It means that my purpose is to continue living my life the way that I want, reinvent myself every now and then, dance in the rain, sing in the shower, laugh more often than not, and love with all my heart and soul.

My purpose has brought me peace.