Right:High :: Left: ________

“Happy, Smile! Sad, Frown!  Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion!”  Meg Ryan as Kate in “French Kiss.” 

Masking emotions has always been a constant for me.  Corresponding face to the corresponding emotion isn’t always as easy as it sounds.  I have learned to put on the ‘correct face‘ for the situation at hand.  Seven years ago I was diagnosed with BiPolar II disorder, or Cyclothymia.  The difference between BiPolar I and BiPolar II is the severity of the mood swings.  Which leaves me feeling grateful for having BiPolar II.  I manage my moods with medication, talk therapy with friends and family, licensed professionals and of course fuzz therapy.  I think that part of reason for going into Psychology is to not only understand my own brain but to help others work through their own struggles.

Through the last seven years, I have done extensive research about what’s going on in my head.  I have disturbances in the areas of the brain and body that regulates the mood.  Serotonin is an important neurotransmitter which is biochemically derived from tryptophan that regulates appetite, mood and melatonin production.  Serotonin in the brain is associated with balance, a balanced emotional state.  The three places where Serotonin is produced are the Central Nervous System, GI Tract and the platelets.  So, my brain is not the only affected area.  

While on this journey, I am not only learning about the chemistry behind this diagnosis, but I am learning some very important things about myself.  There are 10 specific things that I have learned about myself:

1. I am not crazy
2. I am not broken
3. I am strong
4. I am healthy
5. I am worth more than I give myself credit
6. I love myself (and that is not is not a conceited love)
7. I have great people in my life
8. I have a family who loves me
9. I have amazing children
10. I have my intellect

I refuse to let this diagnosis rule me.  I refuse to live my life hiding behind a ‘disability.’  I refuse to label myself as mentally ill; illness is defined as: unhealthy condition; poor health; indisposition; sickness.  I don’t believe that I any of those things.  I believe that I can always improve my physical and emotional health.

I try to take care of myself but after visiting my doctor I realize that I have to do a lot better.  Eating, meditating, exercising, taking more time for me and getting financially healthy.  I need to improve my balance.  I need to keep my center strong.  These are things that I want my children to learn too.  I want them to start out with balance and peace as they prepare to go out into the big scary world.

I believe that the peace, balance and focus that we create in our home always travel with us, wherever we go.  I have taken the time to study, to learn more about how to slow or eliminate the chaos in my life.  By reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz I am learning four easy steps to achieve balance in my life.  By incorporating the agreements into my life, I am learning to hear my inner voice-it has some very interesting things to say.  If you haven’t read the book, I strongly suggest that you do.   The agreements are easy and are as follows:

1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personal
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best

Great words to live by, incorporate and practice daily.  I know that these are things that I will be learning for my lifetime, but I am dedicated and willing to learn all that I can.

The diagnosis of being BiPolar isn’t going to ruin me.  I will not wear it as a label.  I will not use it as an excuse or a crutch.  I will deal with it as I would any other obstacle-head on, stare it in the eyes and kick it’s ass.  My life is good, even though there is stress, turmoil, and chaos, I have a blessed life.  I am a better person because of many trials, both physically and emotionally.  Balance...here I come!