Friendship 101

Friendship.  A simple enough word, but a word that for each and everyone of us holds a different meaning.  Since I refuse to speak for others, I will simply discuss my definition of friendship.  I have always believed that I should model the way I want to be treated.  I suppose you could say that it’s the Golden Rule that I try to remember, but I think that it’s truly a display of my value system.  I will be the first person to admit that being a friend does have it’s difficulties, and that I am not always the friend that I try to be, but every day I strive to give 100%.  Here’s the problem…

Melanie and Me

When you have so many people who are in your life, all of whom you hold dear to your heart, someone is going to get left behind.  I was recently told that I am a worthless friend.  Imagine having your heart twisted so tightly that it breaks in two.  That is what I felt…but only for a moment.  (About an hour-ish.)  I have come to realize that this individual has expectations that I will never be able to live up to, and that’s okay, I refuse to give up who I am in order to accommodate one person.  Is this a selfish attitude?  Perhaps.  But I have also come to realize that being a friend means to accept a person for who they are, not what you want them to be or expecting them to live up to a list of requirements.  

Birth Bash

My only requirements for a friend are: be honest with yourself and be honest with me.  (I have an aversion to liars.) Follow those two rules and I will go to then ends of the Earth for you.  I pride myself on the loyalty I give my friends and family.  But with that, comes a great responsibility and willingness to follow my own rules.  Following my rules has brought me a great deal of peace, balance and happiness.  Following my rules has allowed me to be present for my friends and family.  When I say present, that means that I am available to my friends, for a laugh, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to joys and sorrows or to just sit quietly together.  Many of you know me, and with that you know that sometimes you actually need to say to me, “Tasha, I need you right now.” Contrary to my own ego, I am not able to read minds or change the direction of the wind.  Those of you who know me well also know that when I am focused, tunnel vision sets in, but this doesn’t mean that I don’t care, or I am not available, I just need to be told.  What’s great about knowing this about myself, means that I am okay telling my friends when I need help or simply need them.

Think about the phenomenon of Facebook.  How many of us have reconnected with people we hadn’t talked to in years?  How grateful I am for the reconnections I have made because of this website!  However, this method comes with its ups and downs too. How many of us have been removed from someone’s list?  It happens. Does it mean that we don’t mean anything in that person’s life?  Nope.  I have no idea what it means, but if I am removed, there is nothing that I can do about it and I refuse to beg someone to be friend.  I have removed people who I realize are people I deliberately haven’t spoken to in years, or people who have nothing but negativity in their lives.  It doesn’t mean that I am not their friend or that I don’t care about them, it just means that I don’t want to share my life on Facebook with them.  I was looking at my friends list and there are only a few (6) people I haven’t met in person and I my goal is to meet them before the end of 2011.  I have made connections that I never would have made before and I know that I have strengthened already existing relationships.  (I also know that Facebook is by no means a substitute for physical and emotional connections, but it is great for keeping up with daily comings and goings of those in our lives.)  I prefer the face-to-face exchange with people, but when someone, like your sister, lives in New York, it’s difficult to meet up for coffee on a daily basis.  It’s also pretty great to arrange dinners, parties, etc..

My dear friend Rachel

What does this rambling mean?  It means that I am grateful for the friendships in my life.  I am grateful for the laughs, the tears, the stories, the quiet times, the encouragement, the honesty, and all other connections in my life.  Because of the friends in my life, I am a better person.  I thank ALL of my friends for always being patient with me, encouraging me and never asking me to be someone I am not.  I am truly a lucky woman for the people I have in my life…my cup runneth over.  When I think about my friends (and family), my heart is full, my life is at peace and my future is bright.