Making Sense Of My Friendships (A Follow-up to My Facebook Experience)

Do you remember the days before Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Blogs (ironic, I know) and other social networking?  Do you remember sitting for hours on the phone (land line of course) with a friend laughing and talking about all of the important issues of the day (what was so and so wearing, who was dating whom, boys or girls you had a crush on and the can you believe she said… topics.)  Do you remember what it took to make and maintain friends before you could access anyone with the push of a few buttons?  Do you remember whom you would consider a friend?  How have your ‘requirements’ changed?  Why have my requirements changed?  What is YOUR definition of friendship?

As I look at my Facebook use, I have come to realize that though I love being able to communicate with my friends, I have noticed, that there are only a few consistent people with whom I interact.  I can usually guess who is going to comment on my status updates or pictures, post something on my wall, or invite me to events.  Please don’t misunderstand, I love to see the pictures and read what is going on in the lives of the people I have met, but just as I want real interaction with people, I can only guess that they too desire, and deserve, real interaction with me.  I know that there are some cases where this just isn’t possible, such as my sister in New York, my friend Alan who is walking across the country for equality, or my friend Eric in Indiana – people with whom I have shared experiences, and my list does not stop with them.

Maybe I am too hopeful or my ego is extremely large, but either way, I feel that most people prefer the face-to-face to the virtual.

I have made the decision to continue the reduction of my ‘friends’ list, not because I don’t consider the ‘deleted’ people friends, but I choose to communicate with them in other ways.  I need real interaction.  I need real contact.  I have removed people with whom I have worked or who currently work with me; I have deleted people who have my phone number and email, but haven’t communicated with me through those means any more than they have through Facebook.  I have removed people because we really don’t hold anything in common other than the ability to hit ‘friend request’ or ‘accept’ because it’s the polite thing to do. 

What amazes me is when people seem hurt or offended that I have removed them from my list; it isn't malicious, it just is.  (I too have felt the same way when I have found that I have been deleted from someone’s list, but I realize that the choice of others to manage and maintain their personal list is theirs; and may be along the same reasoning as my own.)  If someone has removed me from their list, perhaps it’s because I didn’t offer them what they needed from a friendship.  When you delete someone from your friend's list, is this truly a deletion from your life?  I suppose if you cease to reach out, make contact and build something tangible, then yes, you are erasing someone from your life.  However, if you choose to limit the interactions you have with someone in a social arena, and reach out to the people you have removed, then I believe that you have the opportunity to renew friendships and build meaningful relationships.  

It takes two to make a friendship work, and it takes two to make a friendship fail.  I am making the choice to maintain the friendships that I currently have and work on the ones that I am at risk of losing forever.