My Ultimate Passion:

 As I ponder the next phase of my life being an empty nester, approaching 40, and still trying to figure what I want to ‘be’ when I grow up, I realize that it is imperative to focus on my true passion and follow it.  I cannot allow myself to become distracted by the trappings of things of which I hold little interest and have even less control, and not sell myself out simply because it’s the prudent thing to do. 

So, what is my passion? 

Saving the world. 

Realistically, making a true contribution to the world around me, buy supporting and advocating for those whose voice isn’t normally heard.  I have never felt that my contribution is to make money for a faceless corporation, but rather, dedicating my time, talents, and education to something far more meaningful. 

At this point in my life, I am uncertain as to what this all looks like, but as I think about where I truly belong, the picture slowly comes into focus.  Here’s what I do know: I am not, nor do I want to be, a high-powered corporate executive, any more than I want to be a brain surgeon.  I know that I am, however, an intelligent woman, who strives to connect with those around me and love my family and friends deeply.  I know that I am meant for greater things in this world, more than sitting on the phone getting yelled at by faceless customers, making no significant difference for the greater good…only money for the large corporation.  I know that although I am currently working for a company that subscribes to the same values as my own, it’s still a corporation focused on revenue rather than social and/or political change.  Unfortunately, right now, I have to continue what I am doing until my passion can manifest and become a reality for me.

Where do I see my true talents being utilized?  My heart, my gut and my brain all scream out the non-profit sector.  Educating, writing, advocating, lobbying, and moving toward change is where my passion truly lies.  There is no other calling for me; no other obvious career path (although Craig would say that becoming a teacher is a viable path for me) for me to travel.  Perhaps I am taking my college advisor’s advice of ‘do what makes me happy’ a bit too seriously.  When working on my degrees it never occurred to me that there was anything other than English and history that I should major in.  It never dawned on me how difficult it would be for me to find a job using the skills that I had acquired at Idaho State University…without earning a teaching degree.  I figured that a college degree was all that I needed in order to be professionally successful…WOW!!!  Was I wrong!  Apparently, a Bachelors of Arts degree is relatively useless unless you are standing in front of an overcrowded classroom, teaching to a standardized test and hoping that at least one or two students is affected by what they have learned.  Had I known that I was going to turn out an idealist, I would have majored in something like sociology, psychology, social work, political science, communications, or French.  But I do feel that English and history have prepared me for writing, reasoning, and researching, realizing that these skills can be used in any profession…I just need to find the right space for me to do the work I know in my heart that I am meant to do.

HIV and AIDS is the area in which I would like to see myself working.  Clearly not as a laboratory researcher, or clinician, but as a community outreach educator.  To have the opportunity of going out into the community and sharing facts, resources, and offer whatever support I can would bring me a great amount of joy and fulfillment (no matter how cliché that may sound).  In addition to focusing on prevention, treatment and education of HIV and AIDS related matters, my focus also falls upon advocacy of LGBT rights, human rights, and equal rights for our global community.  Large matters to focus on and to fight for, but matters I want desperately to be engaged with and building solutions for the greater good.

The picture is coming into focus…there is a space for me to do the work that I know I am meant to do, and that space will soon be revealed.  Those who know me, know that I am always searching for my space, my purpose, my belonging.  Those who know me; know that I am constantly learning, evolving, loving, questioning, and pushing the limits of the status quo.  This is who I am, and this is where my passion is found…this is how I know that I will not only find my space, but I will expand the limits of my function and continually push forward in making the world around me the best world that it can be for my children, family, friends, and myself.